Why I drink alone (mostly)

I needed a fine, frosty beverage. I picked out a place. Here’s why I don’t drink with other women.

She: “I can’t believe you want to go in there.”

Me: “Uh…”

She: “I mean, there’s no windows…”

Me: “Um…”

She: “Look at this place!!!! It’s all painted black. “ She pouted. I hate it when the chiquita-set pout. Makes me want to hit them with something heavy. Lots.

She: “How am I supposed to get my Sutter Home White Zinfandel in here? I bet they don’t even have rosé.”

I don’t pretend to know a lot about wine. But, I do know this:

Red wine is for red meat.

White wine is for fish and poultry.

Rosé is for dicks.


At least that’s what a former roommate said, and I can’t follow up because he’s fucked off to someplace with no forwarding address.

Maybe it was something I said.