...or digestive tracks:
School Mistakes Huge Burrito for a Weapon
A young kid was seen bringing a long, suspicious, wrapped package into school causing the school to go into lockdown.
Insert your favorite dick joke here ("Well, at least he remembered to wrap his package!") .
Oh, I slay me.
Now, I'm not sure how to feel about this. School safety is paramount in this day and age. But, it turns out that not only was it a gi-normous burrito, it was also supposed to be some kind of school project. Parents yanked 75 kids out of school in the ensuing panic.
This poor kid, in addition to now being called "Burrito Boy" for the rest of his life, now has the added trauma of knowing that his attempt at cooking was so unrecognizable that someone had to call in SWAT. That's gotta scar you on some level. Or it means he'll be hired directly after he graduates to work in the cafeteria.