Thursday, June 09, 2005

And, Somewhere, Napolean Dynamite Cuts Himself. Just To Feel.

At least that was Mr. Scoop's opinion after watching Vanilla Ice's performance on NBC's "Hit Me Baby 1 More Time". Vanilla Ice will dance like the monkey you ask him to be. Especially if there is money involved (in this case, for his charity). Then, he will dance like no white man has ever danced before. Until the next white rapper.

Did you see this show? Why didn't you watch this? Dammit, they're going to have Wang Chung on next week. Watch this. I'm not kidding.

It's, like, take a bunch of one hit wonders from the 80s and early 90s and have them perform their greatest hit. Then they come out for the second half of the show and cover a "current" hit. Karaoke for the briefly famous.

Tonight we were treated to performances by The Knack, the guy who did the song used a lot in "Night At The Roxbury", Tommy Tutone, The Motel(s), and Vanilla Ice. Vanilla Ice clearly stole the show.

I've been watching Ice's comeback since his appearance on MTV when Denis Leary and Janeane Garofaolo (et al) tried to "retire" his video for "Ice, Ice Baby" and he destroyed the set with a baseball bat . Lotta rage there. I can respect that. They tried to make him put it in a blender. "Ice, Ice Baby" is his claim to fame. It's his cross. It's his albatross.

And anyone can tell you: you can't fit an albatross in a blender. Not really. You have to cut it up a lot first.

So, tonight, Ice showed up rocking the full Fred Durst look. Much better than the Hammer-esque balloon pants:

There, but for the grace of Durst...


But still, dude, Durst?!?!?

Yikes!

Nobody wants to be Fred Durst. The last Limp Bizkit album was recorded in Prague. You only go to Prague to record an album if you think you might need to avoid extradition for an offense like "finding a dead hooker on your property". Actually, our extradition treaty with the Czechs is 80 years old. You go to Prague because that is the cheapest way to keep Wes Borland medicated.

He may not noticed he's recording a new Limp Bizkit album if he's lost the ability to blink. That's all I'm saying.

But, back to Vanilla Ice:

Ice won me over with his cover of Destiny Child's "Survivor". He didn't even try to sing. He just rapped it out straight (more or less...here check the lyrics. He changed some of the lyrics, but it still worked.).

If you can make me not actively hate a Destiny's Child song, I may keep listening.

2 comments:

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

America loves a good come-back story.

I always liked Vanilla Ice.

Lance Manion said...

Vanilla Ice rocks. And I'm definitely catching Wang Chung.

Do you know if Debbie Gibson will be on?