or "Fun With Tourists"
One of the greatest things about living in Boston is that it is a town with a sense of humor – one of many branches of Legal Seafoods is located across the pier from the New England Aquarium on the waterfront. An afternoon visiting both is a favorite past time of myself and Mr. Scoop. If we go to the restaurant beforehand, Mr. Scoop can fill up on enough Sam Adams that he won’t want to try and feed the visiting tourists’ children to the sharks. Actually, he’ll still want to but it’ll mean having to figure out which kid in the triplet he’s looking at is the real kid and that’s a lot of effort when we could just be trying to get away with sticking starfishes to our faces and re-enacting “Alien”.
If we go to the restaurant afterwards, well, it’ll have been like we were window shopping for dinner all afternoon. You can sit outdoors with your food and beverage, enjoying the view of the waterfront and making fun of the tourists on the Duck Boats. A good time is had by all – generally.
There was a particular occasion that almost. marred the experience once. A family comprised of a father, visiting Boston “on business”, and his wife and sulky teenaged daughter, who he’d brought with him under the auspices of “family vacation”, were seated two tables over from us on the outside patio. The father appeared to be making an attempt at general small talk with his family. It degenerated into a loud full family argument about how mom and daughter thought dad was a cheap prick and how they didn’t even want to be there in the first place and when were they going to go on a “real vacation”. It went on for a good, loud ten minutes; all participants actively did not seem to care that they were disturbing the diners around them. A waiter went over to check on them somewhere around minute 5, right after the daughter stood up and loudly questioned her actual paternity. Her father responded by calling his daughter a “little bitch” and the mother defended her daughter by telling dad “to go fuck himself”. This quieted them down for about 45 seconds. The scene ended when the father announced he was going back to the hotel “take care of a few things” (read: get a hooker) and the mother and daughter exited to take a Duck Tour. The silence after they left was almost deafening. Then applause from the now greatly relieved patrons filled the vacuum. It was beautiful.
My eyes followed the two women as they got on one of the Duck Boats. The large amphibious vehicle swung out into the street. I could see the daughter leaning out the side to take a picture of Legal Seafoods with her camera phone.
I raised my glass of Chardonnay and, with a huge smile on my face, I flipped her off.
You have to have a sense of humor about tourists. Or you need to be sober enough to feed them to the sharks.