Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Must Be Tuesday



Why?

You ever have a day spent McGuyvering a buzz out of tequila, Nyquil (tm) and Jell-O (tm)?

Yep.

Must be Tuesday.

Questions:

• Why do beauty products that promise me “younger looking skin” fulfill this promise by making me break out like a teenager?
• Why didn’t I realize that snorting brownies would hurt?
• Why does Scotch taste so damn good?
• Why am I out of Scotch?
• Why can’t I find my pants…again?
• Why did Berkley Breathed think that “Outland” would be an even remotely reasonable successor to “Bloom County”?
• Why did I think my allergies would go away faster if I shot the Sudafed directly into my eye?
• Why are we only supposed to eat chocolate in moderation when stuffing ourselves until we’re heady with endorphins from the rich, dark chocolate-y goodness – excuse me, I have to find some chocolate…
• Why am I out of chocolate?
• Why did George Bush finally have to go and make a statement I agree with:

Re: Live 8 – “…Bush came out strongly against MTV cutting into Pink Floyd’s set”. Statement was made after Bush met with Bob Geldof and Bono during the G8 summit. (Rolling Stone. July 28, 2005. page 36 - I'd post an online link, but I couldn't find one. However, here's a picture of them:)

A million dollars upfront to sleep with my wife you say?  Well, Laura, you better get in there before Barbara does him for free like she did Tim McGraw.

It's enough to make me drink engine coolant. Grrr.  Argh.

4 comments:

Diva in Training said...

I am blog jumping tonight so I thought I'd answer some of your questions:

"Why do beauty products that promise me “younger looking skin” fulfill this promise by making me break out like a teenager?"

They have to do something near their promise or it would be false advertising.

Why can't I find my pants..again?

They are hiding from you.

Why am I out of chocolate?

There are Packs of Chocolate Trolls traveling around and stealing anyone’s chocolate. Last month they came into my house, went into my PMS stash and ate it all. (That's the story I told everyone and I am sticking to it)

Hopefully these answers help demystify some of those Tuesday questions...

Lance Manion said...

I can easily see the buzz from Nyquil or scotch. I'm not seeing how the Jello (tm) Brand dessert works, though. Please locate pants and clarify.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

This a great question: • Why do beauty products that promise me “younger looking skin” fulfill this promise by making me break out like a teenager?

I love your wit.

Dave Morris said...

In answer to your questions:

I don't know.

I have no idea.

You got me there.

Still no idea.

Beats me.

Gotta say, I just don't know.

What do I look like, the Shell answer man?

No idea, really.

There you have it... the answers to all your questions.

Engine coolant rules! Best when mixed with a small amount of bleach. Mmmm, bubbly.