Monday, July 11, 2005


Yay! Baby pandas!!!!!

Panda Cub Born At Washington's National Zoo

"'Luckily, right now both mother and cub are doing really, really well,' said zoo spokesman John Gibbons. 'Mei Xiang is proving that she knows best and she's doing exactly what Mother Nature intended her to do.'

That would be cradling and nursing the white-haired cub, which Gibbons said was about 'the size of a stick of butter.'"

Pandas Rule.

Pandas rule. One time, when I was eight, a panda saved me from the Jabberwocky.

It's true.

I blame "The Muppet Show" (1980 - Season Five. Guest Host: Brooke Shields).

I'd been having nightmares about Muppets since I was 3. Grover's head on a black background with arms that stretched to infinity grabbing me by the ankles as he reeled me in to some horrible unknown fate. At times this would vary. Sometimes in the nightmare, he'd be hiding under a couch in our living room.

And frigging Grover is the most innocuous Muppet ever.

This was followed by recurring Fozzy nightmares from about age 6. Kermit would introduce him and instead of bad jokes and "Wocka wocka!", I'd hear growling and he'd try to climb out of the tv as I'd run to my room. In my dream, I was certain he was going to eat me.

I'm not sure what that particular dream meant in light of my eventual decision to try and pursue stand-up comedy.

But, the Jabberwocky nightmare was one of those childhood "waking dreams". I'm not sure that I ever actually fell asleep, but I was convinced that the Jabberwocky was in my room. Most likely, in the closet. And it was coming for me. I was rigid in my bed. Paralyzed with the kind of fear only a child can muster in the face of the terrifying monster that will surely materialize in her otherwise completely safe and secure bedroom, defying all logic or rational thought.

I lay flat on my back, breathing shallowly. I hoped that this would make me less noticable to any monsters in the vicinty. Meanwhile, my left buttcheeck was falling asleep. I should shift my position, but that could spell doom. Racked with indecision and tingling in my ass, finally, I rolled over.

My arm first came into contact with a large stuffed panda that I'd had since I was an infant. There are black and white pictures where it clearly used to be bigger than me. Upon touching the panda, all the silly fear drained out of me. It's hard to say why it happened. Why does an eight year old behave the way he or she does at all? But, somehow, finding my panda, I knew I'd be ok. Nothing was going to decend on me from my closet that evening.

Saved by panda.


Dave Morris said...

Mmmm, pandas. They are truly delicious.

Oh come on now, I'm only kiddin'. Actually they are a little gamey for me.


Lance Manion said...

Is it just me, or do the baby pandas look like the thing that burst out of people's chests in Alien?

Thomas said...

You know that one day pandas will rule the world, don't you? They are using their cuteness to lull us humans into a false sense of security.