Tuesday, August 16, 2005

The Day The Lights Went Out In Burbclave

The lights were out today for almost 5 hours. This will happen when overzealous, crack addicted, spastic landscapers hit an underground cable while trying to get the azaleas "just right" and improve feng shui, instead of trimming the hedges in a leisurely fashion and charging the rest to padded overtime like God intended.

We were without beer for the whole time too. That kind of sober free time is not for the faint of heart. It leads to intellectual pursuits like reading comic books and playing "Strip Jenga". And, without the noise buffering effect of television and air conditioning, it also leads to the discovery that the downstairs neighbors' sex life sounds as though farm animals may be involved. I think that violates the lease.

Somewhere around the third hour, we took a stroll around the complex. We examined the community BBQ pits and the pool. I dipped my toe in. So far, my toe has not turned gangrenous. It has, however, told me that it can hear secret messages coded in radio waves and has requested to be covered in tin foil. I told it that I'd get back to it.

When I woke up this morning, in the throes of a hangover brought on by mixing sake and Canadian whisky while watching "The Godfather", this was not where I expected my day to go. I expected to avoid bright light while sitting on the couch watching repeat episodes of "Spiderman". Morbius was going to do something stupid and turn himself into a vampire. The aspirin was going to eventually kick in and everything was going to be ok. But, instead, we kept all the curtains wide open as we watched for signs that Burbclave Municipal Electric might show up and duct tape the power back into the "on" position. Without air conditioning. And a faint mooing (with ocassional bleatings) emanating from downstairs. Until 5pm.

The power is back on now. I have learned from this experience. I have learned that sake and whisky, when ingested together, are the alcoholic equivalent of C4 in your head the next morning. I have learned that it is important not to play "Strip Jenga" in front of open windows. Finally, I've learned that the community pool may habor intelligent life capable of demonic possession.

I'm off to find tin foil.


Lance Manion said...

And could you tell your toe to get out of my head? It's starting to affect my ability to mpti speeb farbloo.

Ari said...

Cows and sheeps living in sin. Terrible.