Monday, September 26, 2005

Germ Warfare


Fail a test?  Looking for a surefire way to get your teacher to not correct your big essay in a timely fashion (you know -  the one you wrote stoned about the significance of the color red in The Scarlet Letter, in “IM speak”) because once you deliver home those 5 pages of “D” quality crapola to Mom, you can kiss your weekend at the mall good-bye?  

No, that one won’t go up on the fridge, now, will it?  

I have the answer to your problems.  

It is as simple as the common cold.

We are only 15 days into the school year and already I have watched as two of my kids and one of my co-workers have been laid low by the first cold of the season.  I am particularly prone to colds since I inherited the “weak sinus” gene from my father.  If you sneeze in my general direction, I will most likely get a sinus infection within 24 hours.  So, it was with no small amount of irritation (and, by today, outright anger) that I watched as, by last Friday, I’d developed a sort of post nasal annoyance.  Saturday, I had a painful ache in my throat (along with the continued post nasal drain fest) that I tried to pretend was due to some sort of airborne irritant, like pollen or nanobots.  Sunday, I’d medicated the sore throat down to a dull roar with a combination of Advil and Chardonnay (because alcohol is a disinfectant, right?).  This morning, I had a bit of a scratch in the back of the throat, and a bit of continued post nasal dribble, but I was ok.

Until about 3pm.

That was when my illness decided that it wanted “out”.  “Out” means that it wanted to flow out of my nose, the way God intended, and not stay closeted in my esophagus and windpipe.  I also was visited with that somewhat funky fog that settles on your brain that says “You’re sick.  Here, look at the world through mucus colored glasses.  Oh, and you won’t be needing your sense of smell or taste, right?”  So, I went home and slept until 7:30 pm.  I have a whole stack of things that I meant to correct this weekend sitting next to me and making me feel a bit guilty.  I don’t see myself getting to them tonight.

I find it oddly amusing that there are salad bars at backwater Ponderosa’s that have greater protection from sneezes and coughs than the average teacher.

My kingdom for a sneeze guard for my desk.


Rob Seifert said...

Ick! Get better soon lady. I would think that, as a teacher, you would have developed an immune system somewhat akin to someone who crawls around in a hospital licking the floor - alas, I was mistaken. Sorry about that. Still and all, I hope it doesn't linger too long - catching up on all that grading could be tough... OK F**K IT! Everybody gets a "B"!


Dave Morris said...

Here's Mr. Scoop's chance to earn "extra credit" by taking good care of you. It ain't tough to open a can of campbell's chicken noodle soup, fer chrissake. haha!

Get well.

Lance Manion said...

Tell 'em you have the Anthrax, and won't be coming in for six months. Isn't that why you guys have a teachers' union?

Amandarama said...

RCS - You'd think that. But at the last faculty meeting no less an august personage as the school nurse was very vocal in pointing out that children are "nothing but filthy little germ factories" and then something about washing our hands as though we had OCD. At the end of her rant she was given a standing ovation and some Valium.

Dave - Mr. Scoop earns his extra credit daily. I'm very lucky like that.

Lance - Teachers' unions just aren't what they used to be. On the other hand, I no longer will lose my job if I am seen out later than 8 at night or opt not to attend church. You take what you can get.

Wigwam Jones said...

Me sick too. Well, I'm over it now. But it caught me by surprise, I never get sick. Get well!

Ari said...

I'm always amazed (and tempted to make a union-pleasing, OSHA-shocking graph) at how well I feel during the summer when I'm not being snotted on or breathing the dust and probable asbestos in our 56 year old building. I have pansy sinuses too.

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