Monday, September 26, 2005
Fail a test? Looking for a surefire way to get your teacher to not correct your big essay in a timely fashion (you know - the one you wrote stoned about the significance of the color red in The Scarlet Letter, in “IM speak”) because once you deliver home those 5 pages of “D” quality crapola to Mom, you can kiss your weekend at the mall good-bye?
No, that one won’t go up on the fridge, now, will it?
I have the answer to your problems.
It is as simple as the common cold.
We are only 15 days into the school year and already I have watched as two of my kids and one of my co-workers have been laid low by the first cold of the season. I am particularly prone to colds since I inherited the “weak sinus” gene from my father. If you sneeze in my general direction, I will most likely get a sinus infection within 24 hours. So, it was with no small amount of irritation (and, by today, outright anger) that I watched as, by last Friday, I’d developed a sort of post nasal annoyance. Saturday, I had a painful ache in my throat (along with the continued post nasal drain fest) that I tried to pretend was due to some sort of airborne irritant, like pollen or nanobots. Sunday, I’d medicated the sore throat down to a dull roar with a combination of Advil and Chardonnay (because alcohol is a disinfectant, right?). This morning, I had a bit of a scratch in the back of the throat, and a bit of continued post nasal dribble, but I was ok.
Until about 3pm.
That was when my illness decided that it wanted “out”. “Out” means that it wanted to flow out of my nose, the way God intended, and not stay closeted in my esophagus and windpipe. I also was visited with that somewhat funky fog that settles on your brain that says “You’re sick. Here, look at the world through mucus colored glasses. Oh, and you won’t be needing your sense of smell or taste, right?” So, I went home and slept until 7:30 pm. I have a whole stack of things that I meant to correct this weekend sitting next to me and making me feel a bit guilty. I don’t see myself getting to them tonight.
I find it oddly amusing that there are salad bars at backwater Ponderosa’s that have greater protection from sneezes and coughs than the average teacher.
My kingdom for a sneeze guard for my desk.