Thursday, September 08, 2005

Pet Noises

My sophomores have been pestering me to get a classroom pet. In return I've been asking them if they've all regressed to kindergarten.

They want a lizard. They claim that it would be good for the room. They could take turns taking it home on weekends to "take care of it". I've met my kids. "Taking care of it" would mean it would live in captivity for about 2 weeks. Then it would either be dead or, worse, freely roaming. I would come in some morning, bleary eyed and hungover to find the lizard poised on top of my computer monitor with a look that says, "Shit! Busted..." (in lizard that means it will look at me impassively and blink, but it's body will go all rigid). Then it will go for my face.


This has happened before. Luckily, the offending gecko was in his tank and screened in. I bent over to get a closer look at him while taking a break from tormenting kittens in the pet store. It leapt for my face and slammed into the glass. It's cute and kinda pathetic when kittens do that. When lizards do it, it's damn creepy.

A fellow teacher let her kids keep a betta in her classroom a couple years ago. It was named George. There were 4 Georges that year due to obsessive overfeeding and a cronic inability to change his water. Her kids never noticed.

We're not getting a lizard. I'm not buying a damn new one every 2 weeks to keep up with demand.

And I value my face.

5 comments:

Lance Manion said...

I just want you to know, before I say anything, that I like you. You are a good person and I would hate for anything bad to befall you.

With that out of the way, the image of you running around flailing with a giant lizard attached to your face is just incredibly cool.

Monkeypotpie said...

Ummm...what's a betta?

And maybe a better idea than the lizard is to put one of the kids in a tank for the week and make him or her the 'pet'.

Unless you like them, of course.

Actually that's a really bad idea and would get you fired...

Kelly said...

Um, there was only TWO Georges. And the second one only died this past Fall due to, well, freezing weather and oil spillage and the fact that we weren't living there anymore. Yea.

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