Saturday, December 17, 2005

Because Monkeys Are Funny...

I'm very sorry things have been kind of quiet between posts. Things are a bit hectic between work and the holidays. I know it's not a great excuse, but there it is.

Oh, and tomorrow is my birthday (*shameless plug for birthday wishes*).

Anyway, here's a little story. With pictures.

Once upon a time, Mr. Scoop had a monkey named Squinty:

And this time, put some booze in it you cheap bastard!

Squinty was a great monkey. Unfortunately, heartbroken over a woman and several questionable stock market decisions, he ran away to Tijuana with a crate of banana liquor, 2 cartons of cigarettes, and a crack whore named LaDonna. Neither of them has been seen since.

So, my mom bought Mr. Scoop a new monkey:

Gimme all the Oxy!

This is Mojo. Mojo was intended to represent the "monkey on Mr. Scoop's back". But, he's kind of taken on a life of his own. We constantly have to shoo him out of the liquor cabinet and he frequently demands cigarettes from Mr. Scoop. Lately, he's been suggesting that amyl nitrate would make a nice stocking stuffer. This makes my mom very sad.

Mr. Scoop also purchased a monkey for me:

Fly meeeeeeeeeeeeee to the moooooooooooon.......

Crash was created to raise money for a "Toys For Tots" drive. He has stretchy arms made of rubber tubing:

Children love me. And junkies want to tap this.

That tubing would tie off a vein nicely. Somewhere, a junkie isn't getting his fix because Crash exists. But, that's ok. It's for the kids, you know.

Crash can be fired like a sling shot across the room. There's a voice box inside him that makes him scream as he flys. You can fire him at a wall and he'll scream as he goes, making a satisfying thud as he hits the wall. It's great fun.

I've become concerned recently, though. I've found Crash seeking out Mojo for advice. From what I caught, Mojo seemed to be saying "Look, sometimes, in the night, the big ones roll over on us. Just take it man. Just take it." Sweet, but creepy. What else are they talking about when I'm not here? Are they fomenting revolution? Should I worry about what might happen in the night?

Perhaps I will be buying Mojo some amyl for Christmas afterall.


Latigo Flint said...

Happy birthday kid. I have a present for you. Ready?

Your birthday present is the thought of Christopher Walken doing a karaoke rendition of Cyndi Lauper's Time After Time. (Including the repeated whispers at the end.)

I hope you like it.

Dave Morris said...

That Latigo, he knows how to give a gift.

Happy birthday, one day late. I hope you had a great one.

And never. NEVER, trust the monkeys.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Happy belated birfday, AmandaRama.

Ari said...

Hope you had a great one with much merrymaking.

Also, I'm linking you. :)

Amandarama said...

Latigo - That is the coolest gift ever. Thank you.

Dave - Thank you. We've learned the hard way about the monkeys.

LBB - Thank you!

Ari - What a wonderful birthday gift! Thank you!