Wednesday, December 07, 2005

What Have We Learned Tonight?

To begin with, I learned that TLC has learned that brains suck and titties sell.

Have you seen Faking It (American version)?

This is the summary from tonight's episode

Harvard graduate Manhattanite Lesley is a self-confessed geek who would rather spend her time with books than people. When she was at high school she was bullied by the popular cheerleaders. Will she transform with the help of NFL cheerleaders?

This was followed by the next episode:

Super Shy to Super Fly

Timid Texas librarian Haley Holmes has to let her hair down and kick up her heels as the newest barmaid at the hottest bar in the county, Coyote Ugly. In New Orleans she learns to pour drinks, dance and take every guy's last dollar.

Both these women subjected themselves to makeovers and lessons on how to behave in ways that would make men drool over them more. Haircuts and coloring. Make-up lessons. Flexibility training.

Lessons on how to demand a kamikaze from unsuspecting bar patrons.

Ok, fine. Here's the thing...

If The Learning Channel has given up on actual, well, learning, couldn't they at least do an interesting "fish out of water" story.

Vivacious Vicki, 34 F, 24, 32 (IQ 85), loves shopping, clubbing and Double Stuffed Oreos. When she's not whoring it up on the porn circuit, she enjoys puppies, Pilates, and guys she calls Daddy. Can she fake it enough to fit in with the crew at a hardcore propulsion physics lab? More importantly, do we care?

It'd be worth it just for the inevitable "Diary Cam" entries:

Mentor Bob from the Lab: " took a long time to get Vicki to understand that the 'E' in E=mc2 wasn't Ecstasy. A long time. And a cattle prod. She seemed to understand the cattle prod."

Vicki: "It was going ok. There were a lot of big words, but I've got my mouth around a lot before. But then they said they were going to take my implants out and dye my hair brown! And I was all like, 'Oh no, you're not touching the girls!' and they were all like, 'Oh yes we are! You signed a contract!' and I was like, "But I can't write!' and then they showed me this 'x'...

...I hurt a lot today."

I just want my TV to be all that it can be...


Lance Manion said...

I would totally watch that episode, just for the cattle prod. Come to think of it, a show where someone goes around randomly cattle prodding people would be awesome.

Ithiel said...

My enjoyment for the 'learning' channel has been steadily dropping since trading spaces became huge. I try to watch it on occasion, but find myself involuntarily changing to something/anything else. I would watch your story though. Kind of like 'The Simple Life' with Paris "uber-whore" Hilton meets Nova. that would be awesome.

Ithiel said...

Lance you have a point. Cattle Prods=good television in anyone's book.

John K said...

Hysterical!! I had no idea you had a blog...and more importantly, why is there no link to mine on your page??? :)

Amandarama said...

Lance - It would be. And we could create a drinking game where every time a person got "prodded" you take a drink. I think it's destined to be the next big thing.

Ithiel - If I see Paris Hilton on "Nova", I'm going to hope it's because she's being dissected.

John - Thank you! And consider yourself linked :)

Ithiel said...

One can only dream :-)