Sunday, January 29, 2006
Return of The Iron Chef Drinking Game
There were people here yesterday. In the room and stuff.
I had to find pants.
The goal of the afternoon was to engage in a rousing round of “The Iron Chef Drinking Game”. More than a mere drinking game, it would be a booze soaked extravaganza that promised to make your hair stand on end, pickle your liver and cause you to pass out suddenly in a warm pool of your own vomit. "The Iron Chef Drinking Game" is. the King of “watch and drink” drinking games.
Why subject oneself to this kind of binge-drink abuse? Well, why not?
I’d been good all week, after all.
We stumbled upon this game several years ago when Iron Chef was still new in the country. A lot of the variations on the game were based on feeds of Japanese programming that came to the West Coast with all of the Japanese commercials intact. So, these versions involved rules for the commercials as well.
You will find, if you choose to play this, that the commercials are not a time for drinking. They are a time for healing. A time to take a breath and not be chugging.
For whatever reason, I had difficulty pulling up the original versions we found, although there are several sites with a wealth of variations on the rules. Just throw "Iron Chef Drinking Game" into Google and you'll find all kinds of stuff.
The basic rules, if memory serves me right, are as follows:
During The Opening:
Drink when you see the opening quotation.
Drink when you hear Kaga say "If memory serves…"
Drink if the challenger comes from some "faction" that wants to take out the Iron Chefs.
Drink twice if the challenger is female.
Drink if Kaga demonstrates a "look of great emotion".
Drink twice if he does it while eating something (a yellow pepper, for example).
Drink if you see Kaga’s shoes.
During The Battle:
Drink if the challenger has already selected an Iron Chef before coming to the battle.
Drink if the challenger enters Kitchen Stadium with an entourage.
Drink twice if it’s Morimoto (poor bastard)
Drink if other Iron Chefs are present in the stadium to watch the battle.
Drink when the mystery ingredient is revealed.
Drink if "special rules" for the battle are introduced because the ingredient is unusual (like a pasta or other noodle).
Drink twice if Kaga has to use English to name the ingredient.
In fact, have a drink anytime Kaga attempts English.
Drink if the Iron Chef gets to the ingredient before the challenger
Drink twice if the challenger gets to the ingredient first.
Drink whenever you see a camera man in shot.
Drink whenever Ohta interrupts with "Fukui-san!"
Drink if Ohta recites a list of ingredients a chef is working with.
Drink twice if they show a replay.
Drink when the time remaining is shown on the screen.
Drink if there is another Iron Chef present in Kitchen Stadium's audience.
Drink twice if another Iron Chef gives commentary from the audience.
Drink if a chef works with a "luxury ingredient" (truffles, caviar, swallow’s nest, or shark fin)
Drink if you start to get hungry.
Drink if you get repulsed by something.
Drink if Dr. Hattori predicts what a chef is going to do but gets it wrong.
Drink if Fukui tries to make a sports analogy to the floor action.
Drink if Fukui says "Bang a gong we are on!"
Drink if Fukui says the battle is "Ovah!"
Drink if the challenger says he’s going to win.
Drink if the Iron Chef tries to be humble.
During Food Presentation
If the challenger has made more dishes than the Iron Chef, drink the difference.
Have a drink for any of the dishes you actually want to eat.
Have a drink for any of the dishes actively do not want to eat.
Drink if the Iron Chef serves any of the dishes personally.
Drink if a female judge says something stupid.
Drink if Kaga says anything during tasting.
Drink if one of the judges is a member (or former member) of government.
Drink if the judges are American and behave embarrassingly.
Drink if a chef gets upset by a judge’s comments.
During The Verdict
Drink if you predicted the winner ahead of time.
Drink the difference between scores if the Iron Chef wins.
Drink twice the difference between scores if the challenger wins.
Chug if it’s a tie.
Drink if Kishi tries to pad the score in favor of the Iron Chef.
So, that's the game in a nutshell. Mr. Scoop has a simplified version of the rules: "Drink if you see anybody Asian". It works.
We made the mistake of starting the game after we'd already been drinking for about four hours. Some of us tried using alcoholic beverages other than beer. To the wife of Mr. Scoop's friend from high school, if you're reading this: I'm sorry we broke your husband last night.
However, I'm still up for a rematch in February. Call us.