Saturday, March 11, 2006

Helmets and Pads

I must say that I really appreciate it when the retarded go out of their way to wear helmets to identify themselves. It makes me feel less bad when I push them off their bikes. You know, when they take up entire sides of streets I'd like to be driving on?

Why are they on these bikes clogging up my streets? Why aren't they safely locked away on a short bus, like God intended?

It was later pointed out to me that these were not retarded people, but children. Apparently, it's now all the rage in parental control to make your kids wear helmets when they are riding their bikes. Whatever. All I know is, the day I was told I had to wear a helmet or not ride my bike would have been the last day I rode my bike. That would've been the day I started thumbing for rides with strangers.

Because, a helmet just looks more retarded than a face on a milk carton.

Because I make all the good decisions. For example, the picture on the back of the milk carton wouldn't have helmet head.

I do think that knee and elbow pads are a good idea though. Because you just never know who you're going run into when you leave the house...


Fuckkit said...

Doesnt the fact that theyre actually children give you even more reason to knock them off their bikes?

Ari said...

It is weird how today's kids are either helmeted and overprotected or proficient at Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas by age 7.

Latigo Flint said...

"Because, a helmet just looks more retarded than a face on a milk carton."

Is some kind of spectacular line--just so you know.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Bicyclist ruin it for everybody.

Mom of Three said...

I was reading some book about manic motherhood or some odd thing, and the helmet craze, like so much else, is apparently just one more manifestation of the Control Freak Generation. You know, the post-Baby-Boom-get-your-kid-into-the-right-preschool the week you find out you're pregnant ones.

I don't like them because I can't see in them. Which means I'm more likely to get hit, right?