Thursday, March 30, 2006

So...Very...Fresh...


What is "fresh"?

I ask this because the WB wants me to stay tuned for "fresh" new episodes of its latest Piece O' Fluff TM, Pepper Dennis:

Feature film star Rebecca Romijn (X-Men and the upcoming feature film Man About Town) stars as Pepper Dennis, a beautiful and ambitious reporter whose career goal is anchoring Chicago's top-rated evening news broadcast. Pepper Dennis is a one-hour comedy about a modern woman who refuses to give up on the dream of having it all.

Pepper is a rising star in the newsroom of Chicago station WEIE. Intent on being the best reporter she can be, she chases down the facts of every story, often throwing caution and common sense to the wind. Literally throwing herself into her work, Pepper has been known to land in puddles, dumpsters and - occasionally - bed.


Folks, "fresh" is an adjective which, according to my copy of The American Heritage Dictionary means, variously: "New to one's experience; not encountered before", "Recently made, produced or harvested", "Not preserved, as by canning, smoking, or freezing", "Not yet used or soiled", "Free from impurity; pure" and, my favorite, "Recently calved and therefore with milk".

Let's examine the veracity of these definitions as they may pertain to this "fresh" show:

"New to one's experience; not encountered before"

A whole hour about a quirky career single chiquita who wants it all with an equally quirky ensemble cast of friends and co-workers. Damn. No, I'm sure I've never seen anything like this since my last roommate OD'ed on Ally McBeal. What? You say this is going to star Rebecca Romijn ? Is she going to be blue and scaley and try to shiv someone while kinda nude? No? Then I'm not interested.

"Recently made, produced or harvested"

Yes. I'm sure there are several episodes of this in the can as I type. You know what else had several episodes in the can and didn't make it past episode 8 or 9? Point Pleasant. Of course that one had the stink of Marti Noxon all over it. Yes, the daughter of the devil washes ashore in New Jersey.. Where the hell else would.. she wash ashore? And then it turns out that her liaison to Satan is Grant Show, late of Melrose Place. A former Melrose Place employee is in league with the Devil? About the only way that casting gets better would have been if they could have gotten Aaron Spelling to do a walk on as The Prince of Darkness ( or, himself...whatever...) in the never seen finale. This project was clearly destined to succeed.

But, I digress. I think what I'm saying here is that a lack of Marti Noxon on board may be the only thing this sad trainwreck of a show has going for it.

"Not preserved, as by canning, smoking, or freezing"

*cough* Botox..*cough*

"Not yet used or soiled", "Free from impurity; pure"

Um.

Well.

John Stamos has been in there.

And, maybe, Magneto.

Just sayin'....

"Recently calved and therefore with milk"

I...want my lawyer.


Look... All I'm saying is that none of those definitions said "fresh" meant "good". For example, I took a "fresh" shit this morning. The next person to walk into the bathroom would not agree that it was "good".


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1 comment:

Ari said...

A rehash of Murphy Brown sounds anything but fresh.