Tuesday, April 11, 2006

10 Commandments = Asleep At Your Desk By 10 AM

Thou shalt not suck.  No, really.  God said so. So, one of my kids came in all hangdog tired today.

When I asked her why, she told me that her mom had made her stay up and watch The Ten Commandments because she "needed to learn more about God and the Bible".

You can't make an excuse like that up.

And the sad part of it is, it's not the "good" version made by Cecil B. DeMille. It's this awful remake, starring the guy who plays Sayid on "Lost".

From the review on MSNBC:

Well, hell...um...Are you sure he's not one of The Others?
"Most of the time, networks hope viewers will be drawn eagerly to special events, but in the case of "The Ten Commandments," ABC executives must be hoping no one will notice — and that future airings will be confined to the basic cable networks where this clunker belongs."

Not to take the Lord's name in vain but, Jesus Christ! Why would you do that to your kid?

At least the Charlton Heston one, you know, you could kind of understand. It was cheesy as all hell, but it's a damn classic. Bear witness to the Tom Shales article in the Washington Post (*cough* Amen!): "DeMille's movie is an adored classic that ABC used to air annually near Easter and or Passover, still getting healthy ratings after three decades on the air. Some people love it for its classically campy mock-eloquence ("His God — is God"), others may find it genuinely inspiring, and some may giggle throughout yet still feel, when it's all over, that they've had as close to a spiritual experience as Hollywood could muster."

And it makes for a hell of a drinking game: "Oh, yeah, and for those of you who like a good drinking game, grab a bottle of choice and a few shot glasses, and every time someone says Moses, have a blast. It really makes things funnier come the big dance number with the Golden Calf. "

I will, of course, try this. Probably to celebrate Good Friday. I've got the whole day off, afterall. And the next day is Saturday. I can sleep in. For Jesus.

Christ. If you're going to make my kids stay up late to learn about the Bible, at least show them quality religious mass media programming. I'm pretty sure there's a bleeding statue of Jesus out there waiting to be exploited even as I type.

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Mom of Three said...

That has to be the laziest-assed example of parenting I have heard of in a long time. "Here, Janie, I don't bother to take you to church or to religious classes because, well, I'd rather sleep in on Sunday, BUT here's a nice made-for-TV remake, so watch it and absorb it all. It may be the only religious education you get. But remember, we still love Jesus!"

Reminds me of my mom, who would always use like the four verses she kind of remembered from the Bible to try to keep us in line.

Lance Manion said...

I prefer to get my Jesus in the form of grilled cheese sandwiches or water stains in highway underpasses. It's faster that way.

"Drive in Jesus is Lord"
-Joe Bob Briggs

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Funny you should write about this.

Amandarama said...

Mom o' three - My mom didn't bother with biblical verses. As far as she was concerned, we were to consider her God. And, around the house, there was no day of rest.

Lance - I prefer to get my Jesus the way I get my coffee. Except, I'm kind of more of a tea drinker. The mind boggles.

LBB - Just because I'm a godless heathen, it doesn't mean I can't have standards.

Ari said...

The Weepin'Bleedin' Bolivian Jesus (tm) creeped me out.

Miss Sassy said...

Is there nothing you can't turn into a drinking game??
And I DON'T get my C. Heston fix this weekend???
Ah, screw it, lets have some pink eggs that popped out of a chocolate bunny and let the children sleep for the weekend. For Jesus.

Amandarama said...

Oh, Miss Sassy, there is nothing I can't turn into a drinking game. Hell, I can make life a drinking game...