Sunday, April 16, 2006

And The Seas Will Run Red...

There are certain things that are wrong. And then there are certain things that suggest that Armageddon is imminent. This is one of those things:

Change comes from within.  If you're lucky.

What are you seeing in the above picture? A Peep-Bunny "Turducken". What is a "turducken", you may be asking?

Well, back in the day, figure around Ancient Rome, the rich nobility, with their propensity for social gatherings that involved in home gladitorial combat and vomitoriums, thought that a really cool thing to do to impress their guests was to stuff a whole animal inside of another whole animal (like a doormouse inside a fish inside a chicken, for example). Sometimes live (remember "Four and Twenty Blackbirds baked in a pie"? It had to come from somewhere.), sometimes not.

The French would adopt the idea as the technique called "Farci", from farce. Farce, as in funny. It's funny to cut into one animal and find another animal there inside. Let me also point out that the French think that Jerry Lewis is funny.

Here in the States, in the South, they've taken the idea in this direction: let's take a turkey and bone it out, then we're going to take a duck and do the same thing. Lay the duck on top of the turkey. Now, let's take a chicken, bone it out and lay it on top of the duck. Roll the whole damn thing up. Tie it with string and roast it. Congratulation, you have achieved turducken.

Yes, the word "turd" is, in fact, in the word "turducken". I don't think it's a coincidence.

For the terminally curious, here's Paula Deen's recipe for Turducken. God speed you on your journey to hell.

But, back to the picture.

Some braintrust decided that it would be funny to create a "Peep-Bunny" Farci (née turducken). Basically, you jam a knife in a Peep. Then you rape it with a Cadbury Egg. It's all in the pictures on the site. After that, you take the now violated Peep and stuff it and two of its brothers into a chocolate bunny, preferably sealing the poor marshallow dears in with a brulee torch. Ta-Da! Chocolate Bunny-Peep Turduckenage.

God help us all.

It is Easter, folks.

I'm left with these words of wisdom to share with you:

"Egon: 40 years of darkness, earthquakes, volcanos.
Winston:The dead rising from the grave!
Venkman: Human sacrifice, dogs and cats, living together... mass hysteria!"

Venkman knew whereof he spoke.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

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Dave Morris said...

Goddamn you make me laugh.

And you've inspired me to begin furiously experimenting with food. Satan only knows what I will come up with.

Lance Manion said...

I'm not saying I recognize Mr. Scoop's jawline in those photos, but I'm saying exactly that.

Lance Manion said...

And comment moderation? WTF?

Helga von porno said...

Makes me laugh as well, although I am taking the auspices of armegeddon very seriously, what else could it portend, "There once was a lady who swallowed a fly, and don't know why, she swallowed a fly, perhaps she'll die...etc...the end of the world, simple as abc.

Gabriel said...

It's not that the french think Jerry Lewis is funny. They think he is a genius, but that is because in their opinion he managed to grasp the essence of america. They think his retard characters are representation of typical americans.
I'm serious! I don't mean to be offensive, I'm neither french or american. I'll just keep my mouth shut.

Miss Sassy said...


I literally had to spit the water I was trying to drink in the trash and put my head between my knees to catch my breath enough to answer the phone on that one!!

hahahahahahahaha - it sounds gross though, and I thought that even before the imagry of a peep being raped by an egg bigger than him.

Latigo Flint said...

"Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light."

"Right. That's bad. Okay. All right. Important safety tip. Thanks, Egon."

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Yikes. That's kinda gross.