Tuesday, May 16, 2006

The Color Code To Alert Us To New Wave Bullshit Is Indigo

Is Your Child Indigo? And Not In That Good, Folk Dyke Way...

Gratuitous Picture of Lesbian RockersProponents of the theory say creative, hard-to-manage kids are more highly evolved than the rest of us. Reasonable people hear this and punch the proponents in the face. Then they take away their mood rings. Brawl amongst soccer mommies ensues.

At least that's how the article would have run if I'd written it.

Have you heard about Indigo Children? Well, let me tell you about it!

[the]...book spoke of the spiritual evolution of the new children of the "indigo" color...The Indigo Child is a boy or girl who displays a new and unusual set of psychological attributes, revealing a pattern of behavior generally undocumented before. This pattern has singularly unique factors that call for parents and teachers to change their treatment and upbringing of these kids to assist them in achieving balance and harmony in their lives, and to help them avoid frustration...Can we really be seeing human evolution in kids today?

Um...the fuck?

Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?

From the Newsday article:

Wouldn't it be a relief to know your children aren't going to turn out lazy or rude...today's children are not the way they are because they live in a high-paced, well-off, self-indulgent culture...No, today's kids act the way they do because they're a more evolved form of humankind.

"The Earth is going through a major transformation," said Sue Marcus, a trained energy healer and aromatherapist from Massapequa. "This is like a major cleansing. I believe these kids are here to teach us a peaceful way."

No. No wait. It gets better:


Want to know if your child qualifies as "indigo"? According to Lee Carroll and Jan Tober, authors of "The Indigo Children," you've probably got an indigo on your hands if you notice the following:

1. They come into the world with a feeling of royalty (and often act like it).

2. They have a feeling of "deserving to be here," and are surprised when others don't share that.

3. Self-worth is not a big issue. They often tell parents "who they are."

4. They have difficulty with absolute authority.

5. They will simply not do certain things; for example, waiting in line is difficult for them.

6. They get frustrated with systems that are ritual-oriented and don't require creative thought.

7. They often see better ways of doing things, both at home and in school, which makes them seem like "system busters."

8. They seem antisocial unless they are with their own kind. If there are no others of like consciousness around them, they turn inward, feeling like no other human understands them. School is often extremely difficult for them socially.

9. They will not respond to "guilt" discipline ("Wait till your father gets home.").

10. They are not shy in letting you know what they need.

How many fucking different ways can you write "entitled, self-involved little shit" in a ten item list?

So, let me get this straight:

Your hyper active child - the one who can't be bothered to follow the normal rules of the school day because your aromatherapist says that the kid's third eye chakra tells him that the rules that were good enough for the rest of us are too confining to his tiny ADHD brain - is going to be the salvation of mankind and I should bend over and take this in my classroom?

No. Not unless your kid is a bonafide mutant.

If your kid sprouts adamantium covered bone claws from his knuckles, we'll talk. My portion of the conversation will probably come from under a desk or from the inside of a closet, but we'll talk. Until then, as far as I can tell, you signed off on the discipline code that came with the student handbook. Trust me that I'll come up with a variety of learning activities that will touch upon one of Gardner's Multiple Intelligences and reach your kid - that's why they pay me the almost adequate bucks - but he still needs to do the other stuff that is assigned. And he needs to not mouth off while he does it.

Oh, and the "indigo" thing comes from the "aura" these children supposedly emit.

You know, indigo is pretty damn close to black. Last I heard, the only kid who was supposed to emit a black aura was the Anti-Christ.

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Timmy Mac said...


Based on these criteria, I think my son is Jesus. You should all start sucking up immediately.

Dave Morris said...

Last I heard, the only kid who was supposed to emit a black aura was the Anti-Christ.

Or Macaulay Culkin.

Lance Manion said...

Hey, if an enery healer aromatherapist says it's true, that's good enough for me.

And Wolverine's claws are not the result of his mutation. Rather, they were grafted on with the rest of his adamantium laced skeleton. It was only his healing mutation that enabled him to survive the process. And you call yourself an educator...

Amandarama said...

And Wolverine's claws are not the result of his mutation. Rather, they were grafted on with the rest of his adamantium laced skeleton.

Nope. The claws were present before the adamantium. You will find all this in the "Weapon X" and/or "Origins" series.

Helga von porno said...

Well, I choose to believe it. In which case, in loyalty to our own superior genes, we should round up these mutants and wipe them out. Perhaps we could form a pretend queue, and when the Indigo scum push to the front, they'll find a cull waiting for them.
Or enforce rules back with guilt punishments like "Don't play in the road or I'll tell your Father!"

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

This is wby I can't stand hippies.

Amandarama, your commentary was perfectamundo. I couldn't have written it better myself.

Screw indigo. LATIGO, however, is way cool.

Violet said...

so, the parents of these indigo children a also probably think that little johnny needs to be in the gifted class, too, right?

my suggestion is home schooling.

Ari said...

There was an article about these lil' darlin's in our local alterna-rag recently. New teacher's lounge slang for disobedient punks: Code Indigo.

I'm also glad to know I'm not the only one still referencing "Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" from time to time.

The Fight Guy said...

my suggestion is home schooling.

My suggestion is vicious beatings. Every two hours, until morale improves.

Anonymous said...

Every kid in history has felt the way that proponents of the Indigo Children theory believe only so-called Indigos feel. Most children develop a realization that they are no more important than anyone else, that other people are smart and also concerned about people and the planet, and if they were to just shut up and stop talking about their "abilities" or "how they'd do things", they'll learn something.

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