Monday, May 15, 2006

Now, If I Could Only Remember Their Names...

We had the day off today because, of all things, it rained too damn much. So, I spent some time reflecting over some moments that stood out to me in the classroom over the last several years. Some were funny; some were uncomfortable - but they're all indelible in my least until the whiskey finally gets to 'em:

  • Having a student yell out, in the middle of my lecture about Helen of Troy, "Git-R-Done!" I'm sure he understood the zero he got for the day.

  • One time a kid, trying to get my attention, called me "Mom".

  • My "Advanced Literature Class", in 1995, deciding to serenade me with an a cappella version of The Flaming Lips' She Don't Use Jelly. No. I don't know why.

  • The girl who announced, for no particular reason, in the middle of class that she "finally knew what real love was"...while every boy in the room conspicuously avoided eye contact with her for the rest of the period.

  • The year we got away with taking all of our students down the street to see Twister. You know...for educational purposes...

  • The kid who decided that it would be best to read the part of Macbeth to the rest of the class in the voice of Apu from The Simpsons. Is this a dagger I see before me...? Thank you! Come again!

  • The kid who came barrelling into the room screaming that he was possessed by Satan. He was promptly restrained by staff...during my interview to be hired.

  • The kid who tried to seem badass by claiming his gang affiliation to be with "The Lion Kings". (He meant the Latin Kings. He swears.)

  • The kid who, after being relegated to "time out", proceeded to lie down on top of a table and roll off - in order to hurl himself at the floor...and wouldn't stop until I pointed out to him that I knew he'd read Douglas Adams's Life, The Universe and Everything and told him that despite his best effort he wasn't going to be able to learn to fly by throwing himself at the floor and missing.

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Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I once proposed to a teacher. I buried the proposal in a journal she forced us to write. I wanted to see whether she was actually reading them.

She was.

Violet said...

i once had a first grade student unzip his pants to show me his dinosaur underwear.

Ari said...

The "Mom" thing happens to me regularly, but then I have 8 year olds in my class.

This is proof that every teacher should write a book, 'cause I have a bunch of these stories, too.