Sunday, September 10, 2006

Emily Post Doesn't Live Here Anymore


"You can tell the real coffee drinkers", the Botoxed, anorexic bimbo standing in back of me at Dunkin' Donuts gushed breathlessly to her equally gaunt and pitiful looking soccer mommy friend. "They only order hot coffee."

I had just ordered my 3rd iced hazelnut coffee of the weekend. I was also picking up a bag of ground hazelnut coffee so I could save money by making it at home. It would also enable me to avoid douchebags like the asshole standing in back of me in line. Clearly this individual was absent on the day they were teaching manners. Probably too busy blowing the football team for cab fare to the mall.

Of course, I didn't feel bad later when I ran my car directly at her in the parking lot and came to a jackrabbit stop just inches away - causing her to drop her hot coffee like a steaming bomb onto the pavement. Manners is as manners does, after all. Besides, it was for the best. She would have only puked it up later. Real coffee drinkers have the decency to keep their coffee down when they're done drinking it.

I have some further words of wisdom for her:

You can tell the real insecure asswipes; they're the ones flapping their lips in public when they should be shutting the fuck up.

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1 comment:

Mom of Three said...

People like that are numerous, particularly in Southern California, and in any upper class area, and are like a pox upon the earth.