Friday, September 01, 2006

Ridicule and Mockery, Now In Convenient Infant Sizes...

Reason #7,238 why your children will grow up to hate you, abandon you in a nursing home and write a tell all book about why you were a shitty parent:

I want this motherfucking toupee off my motherfucking head!
I too will grow up to be an enormous slut who wears pasties on TV!
Weed kills pain.
That's it.  Mom?  Dad?  You're fired!

The Baby Toupee!

It's not cute. It's just flat out stupid. Not to cast aspersions on anyone's parenting but, if you do that to your kid, you're an asshole. I'm not saying that DSS should come and take your kid away, but when they're 16 and shooting smack between their toes while trying to sell their virginity on E-bay because they can't get a date because YOU BRING OUT THESE GODDAMN PICTURES EVERYTIME A BOY COMES OVER - just don't say you weren't warned.

Don't dress your kid up to look like little people. Midgets will be offended. And, besides, that's what the average bubble headed fucktard uses their dog for:

Kill me.

You're going to tell me you can't manage to rise above being a common bubble headed fucktard? What are you? Lindsay Lohan?

You don't want your kid to date? Just buy a rifle and be conveniently "cleaning" it on the couch everytime she brings a prospective suitor over. That's what my dad did. Look how good I turned out.

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Scottsdale Girl said...

Damn is that a universal DAD thing or what?

Anonymous said...

Geezee.. i thought they were pretty cute. no different than any other costume. are ya gonna deny the kids of the world halloween next?

Amandarama said...

Scottsdale Girl - I think it must be. I suspect it's in the secret "Dad Handbook".

Anonymous - Hello! Welcome to the fabulous, angry, booze-soaked world of Amandarama! We dislike "cute" here. "Cute" causes stabby thoughts. Hell, I've been known to light "Hello, Kitty!" lunchboxes on fire just to watch 'em burn. You should see what Mr. Scoop does to them...

Thanks for dropping by!

Dave Morris said...

Dressing up dogs is one of those things that makes me shake my head and mutter profanities under my breath.

As for fending off suitors, when did the chastity belt go out of vogue? I missed the memo.

Anonymous said...

btw looks like they are now taking orders... get your ridicule now. i just ordered a Lil Kim.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Guns and girlfriends... fond memories.

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