Thursday, October 19, 2006

Sideways

"I wanna be a shitfaced superhero!" Mr Scoop exclaimed when he got home.

There was momentary excitement in Gotham. - I figured that this was it: We were finally going to see what happened when Batman got his drunk on.

His well, well deserved drunk.

However, it turned out that instead, Mr. Scoop was determined to down the better part of a 30 pack of Coors Light and see if he couldn't find the cheat code to get Wonder Woman and Zatanna to unlock their forbidden love in Justice League: Heroes, for the X-Box.

I don't think that Mr. Scoop understands that all attempts to subvert game play in that manner will be overridden by the programming for Zatanna by whatever is binary for "Kcuf ffo, resol!", but, what do I know? I'm just the girlfriend.

Or he might spill beer on himself and become distracted and, later, despondent over wasted alcohol. You just never know where the evening is going to go.

We weren't going to drink, I swear. I think Mr. Scoop's liver has mutated and gained sentience. I suspect it will push out of his body through his abdominal cavity in a search for autonomy. I'd like to believe it will whisper fervent pleas for revolution against our Red Planet overlords in Mr. Scoop's ear, leading to some shadow pact with Arnold Schwarzenegger and the death of Sharon Stone. But, more probably, it'll just lead to him wearing baggy shirts and asking me if I want a threesome...if I don't mind the lights being out and me being blindfolded. And really, really drunk in a place where I don't mind the air being pumped in from a recycler.

Shit. I'm drinking now.

This must be part of the master plan.

I need coffee. Stat.

You just never know where the evening is going to go. Dammit.

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4 comments:

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Total Recall: Best sci-fi ever made.

Violet said...

Livers are highly overrated.

Latigo Flint said...

If you and Mr. Scoop could somehow find it in your hearts to adopt me I promise I'll never violate one without the other present.

That came out incestuous and wrong. I meant to say I'll never call you mommy and daddy while touching myself.

(Drat. That's not right either. I guess I'm drinking too.)

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