Wednesday, January 17, 2007

It Kills Kryptonians Dead, You Say...

You know how, with couples, if one person wants to diet success is best achieved if both parties actually diet together? Regardless of whether or not both of them need to be actually dieting?

And let's just admit something upfront - you know that at this point you both need to be on the damn diet. Just own it.

Well, in my household (good lord, I actually can say I have a household at this point), the same can be said for overcoming disease.

This past Monday the worst thing that can happen to an otherwise happy and active couple befell us on the tail end of our long weekend - we both came down with The Cold.

Suddenly, drinking to excess on a Monday lost its normal allure. Sure, alcohol is a disinfectant. But, general malaise and lack of open breathing passages simply made us wish to dose up on Tylenol Cold and Flu and go to bed before 9pm. Thank God for Tivo and its unerring ability to go and record "24" so I understand exactly why (if not entirely in real time) Kiefer Sutherland will own the Emmy this year before any of the other programs manage to do more than continue to spin their wheels while they wait for some sort of "sweeps week" to try and do something cool. Yes, "Lost". I'm looking in your general direction.

Of course, if couples rely on each other to be good the, well, that discipline marches right out the door after Mr. Scoop decides that Superman (of the "Superman Returns" X-box game fame) is actually the worst kind of dropsy-ridden, uncoordinated douchebag. I wish "straighten up and fly right" was the kindest of epithets Mr. Scoop hurled at Superman this evening. In reality, the kindest, pre-drunkenly hurled epithet (Damn. That there is a classy word. Epithet.) involved the term "awful stroke-monkey". And later, "faggot". Then he bought beer. I got some Shiraz in the deal.

"Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound - but he trips on every penis he can along the way!" Mr. Scoop then hurled at poor Supes after downing his first beer. "Try not to suck any dick on your way to the parking lot!"

The moral of the story is this: ultimately, you need to be in charge of your own health and well being. And - don't buy "Superman Returns, The Video Game". Bryan Singer's vicodin problem is only useful when coming up with ideas for "House".


Scottsdale Girl said...

As I learned on New Year's Eve - when I actually contracted this year's deadly cold -

Vodka? nyquil? SAME THING BABY!

Ari said...

No worries, 'cause I got no X-Box. I just go a-mooching at the homes of others.

Violet said...

Hope that you and Mr. Scoop are feeling better soon. I have found that by working in a school, I tend to get sick more than the general population... all those germy little kids that don't wash their hands walk around infecting everything they see. Do you agree?

Also, tell Mr. Scoop nice use on the "Clerks" line to really make his point known to that worthless video game character...

Dave Morris said...

Scoops has rather sizeable balls to live with you. And to call Superman names.