Mr. Scoop has declared that he wants "a Transformer".
Specifically, he would like a piece of heavy electrical equipment that has jumper-like cables that he can attach to our frozen pipes to create an electrical current and, thusly, unthaw them using 320 amps. When it's done, it will turn itself into a semi-trailer truck. And defeat the Decepticons.
They're everywhere. Stupid Decepticons. Freezing our pipes while we're sleeping.
It certainly had nothing to do with not leaving a trickle of water running during the night while we exprienced below freezing temperatures. No. Not at all.
Ah, the joys of new home ownership.
"We most certainly will not be using our new chest freezer to store dead hookers", I declared, mostly to no one in particular but kinda in the direction of Mr. Scoop's new boss, while we were out drinking the other night. "At least, not before we buy one of those 'Food Saver' vacu-seal things. What good is a trophy head that has freezer burn?"
"To be fair", Mr. Scoop pointed out, "It's going to be a used one from my parents."
I would have asked him why his parents would be sending us a used dead hooker head (aren't they all kinda used, anyway?), but I'd imagine that the conversation would just be awkward. Besides, I was too distracted by the next round of microbrewed Winter Ale to ask.
As far as I know, Mr. Scoop will still be employed on Monday. As far as I know. I will be in Mexico.
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