Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Attention, Men!

Have you ever had one of those moments where you wondered, "Gee, I really wish I knew what my sweetie wants for Valentine's Day? If only could surprise her and show her how much I care!" Or even, "Shit. It's Valentine's Day. I need to do something or tonight will be another threesome with my secret, special girlfriends, Vaseline and Kleenex."

I'll let you in on a secret:

Whatever you decide to do, it will probably be better and more romantic than this
idea from the fine folks at White Castle.



"Make your Valentine’s day STEAMY! Take your Valentine to White Castle on Wednesday, February 14 between 5 and 8 p.m. and enjoy hostess seating, candlelit dining and your own server. Reservations are required, so check the list below for participating Castles near you!

Special this year, you can also treat your honey to a romantic White Castle dinner in your home! Cupid’s Crave Kits include eight cheeseburgers, one sack of fries, two regular soft drinks, coupons and keepsake items to heat up your homespun romance. Now, ain’t that sweet?"


To put it bluntly, unless White Castle is somehow memorable to you as a couple - say that's where she first blew you , for example - or unless the "Cupid's Crave Kit" includes a roofie to slip into her regular sized soft drink: don't plan on getting laid by your girlfriend that night or possibly any other night. There's only one thing "Steamy" that can come from an evening of dining at White Castle and, despite what you may think, supersaturating your bedroom with your own farts ("the hotbox effect") is not romantic.

Just say no, fellas.

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6 comments:

Timmy Mac said...

On the other hand, if you do find a woman who's cool with Valentine's Day at White Castle, you marry her. You marry her right fucking then and there and you never look back.

Steven Novak said...

I'M SOOOOOO THERE!!!!!!! ;)

Steve~

Ari said...

Yeah, nothing like a sack o' tiny greaseballs to jumpstart your honey to get making with the love.

Dave Morris said...

I'm with Timmy Mac.

Violet said...

"Unless White Castle is somehow memorable to you as a couple - say that's where she first blew you , for example - or unless the "Cupid's Crave Kit" includes a roofie to slip into her regular sized soft drink"

Okay - that is freakin' hilarious. I can't stop laughing long enough to even attempt to come up with a witty comment.

By the way... Dave will NOT, I repeat, NOT, be taking me to White Castle's for Valentine's Day. Now, maybe on the way home from the restaurant, once we're tanked, and decide that Whitey's might be a good pitstop on the way home... That might be a different story!

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