Saturday, June 02, 2007

OWU 497

Dear Dude Who Found My Website By Googling "lost bet" + "her pants down":

Well, I hope you don't feel too stupid.

I'm sure the story about my aunt was interesting. But, it's hardly worth trying to find your way to Northeast Assfuck from Billerica, Massachusetts to see if you can claim your stake in my family's next Christmas party. My aunt really isn't that easy. And gas is too expensive to waste that way. Cool your heels. In a couple of months the Topsfield Fair will roll into, well, Topsfield. And that will provide you with lots of drunken townie chicks that it will be easier and cheaper to drive to find.

I promise, dude. Just sit tight.

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Meanwhile, I have just recently, finally, seen Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

I would like to see a remake of this.

Sure. I know that it's one of those movies that is important to modern American film history. Remakes might take away from the glory of the burlesque dancers and eventual soap actors that starred in it. And Mr. Scoop was very excited when he saw the whole "weird family that includes crippled old dude have lunch with the pretty girl(s)". It was very "must have influenced Texas Chainsaw Masacre " for him. And me too, really. Plus the chicks were very clearly the sort that must have burned themselves onto Quentin Tarantino's JungianFilm memory.

But a remake would be fun. It might have marginally better acting. You'd get to keep the really cool cars. Or even upgrade them. And then you can have cool racing scenes without someone whining that they "need NOS and they need it by tonight" (Oh, I do believe I'm looking your way Paul Walker ). And you could cast Lindsay Lohan as Billie , the rebellious go-go dancer who just wants to have fun and cut loose. Sure, she's a barely legal hellion who drinks too much and ends up dead with a knife in her back before the movie even gets close to ending. And I can't think of anyone I'd rather see that happen to more than Lindsay Lohan. Maybe Posh Spice. Maybe. Possibly Nicole Richie. Oh, and then there's Amy Winehouse.

I guess there's a lot of folks that could die to make my movie fantasy complete.

And I think that's the important thing.

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I bought a veal heart at the supermarket on Friday.

I was too hungover to cook today, so it's still in the back of my fridge. I'm really not sure why I bought it (other than it was about a dollar a pound and seemed like a good value). It seemed like a good idea at the time. I thought I might grill it. Mr. Scoop is concerned that it might be tough and need braising. He also wants me to make sure that before I serve it I remove all veins and arteries. Those will be a deal breaker if I want him to actually eat the thing.

I'm not sure I disagree.

If anyone has a good veal heart recipe, let me know.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Mr. Scoop is concerned that it might be tough and need braising."

Um. Mr. Scoop is concerned about braising? WTF? Have you checked him for brain slugs? I mean seriously. Check. 'Cause something's not right.

LM

Amandarama said...

Mr. Scoop is also concerned...that he is concerned about braising. He hopes to remedy this with frequent and thorough applications of Jack Daniels ("Brain away. Apply directly to the brain. Brain away. Apply directly to the brain. Brain away. Apply directly to the brain.")

Violet said...

veal heart recipe? i'd be more concerned about who is going to find your blog with those search terms than the lost bet and pants down thing...

Ari said...

All thoughts I previously had on campy 60's films were derailed by the concept of "veal heart".... I think I'm a step closer to that line that delineates carnivore | herbivore.

Scottsdale Girl said...

I threw up in my mouth a little at the mention of veal heart, no I do not have a recipe. Perhaps Hannibal Lecter put out a cookbook?

Dave Morris said...

When I find a little section of vein in my CHICKEN it freaks me out. How would I feel when almost the entire thing was vein?

Perhaps farver beans and a nice chianti...

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